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Funny Mummy

Kathy Buckworth

All Wired up

June 2008

The realization struck me like a bolt from the blue. How could this be? I already had four children, and I had successfully dragged the last one through the “Dark Years” (otherwise known as Toddlerhood). But as I reviewed the facts, the conclusion was inescapable. I didn’t know how I had allowed this to happen, but somehow I found myself with a fifth dependent. A whining, demanding, attached appendage constantly pushing me for attention, sucking away every spare moment I had. Sure, there were moments of joy, excitement, pride and genuine love, but there was also the guilt, responsibility and constant “look at me” pleading which didn’t allow me to tear my thoughts away for a moment. No, it wasn’t another child (what, am I crazy?) but my new whining toddler of technology: My beloved and be-hated-by-all, BlackBerry.

From the moment I turned it on, the constant buzzing would provide me with both delight and despair as I struggled to maintain my old way of life while embracing a new life form which could bring new dimensions into my world. Yes, just like a newborn who becomes the “baby bomb” in a previously still household, so the BlackBerry unleashes its tentacles on an unsuspecting audience. Its one of those things that you don’t realize you need until you have it. Like pre-cooked bacon. Or a Spandau Ballet CD. Or even Spanx (particularly after the aforementioned four children).

Don’t get me wrong…there are obvious benefits of being “connected” all the time, not the least of which I believe I am able to now match the typical male level of inattention to the “real world” which I previously didn’t understand. Every time the vibration comes in signalling a new email, it is almost impossible to focus on the task at hand. Similarly to the rapt attention I am paid by my husband when discussing the upcoming practice times for the school concert, the startling change to the garbage pick up schedule, or even the world’s best crock pot chicken recipe…when his BlackBerry starts erupting, he can hardly wait to escape this domestic blather for the thrill of Canadian banking human resource issues. (I suppose its all relative – I am desperate to read the latest email from Staples to avoid speaking to some of the parents at my local park.)

Technology as a diversion and addiction is not restricted to the grown ups in my family however, as I witness my teenage daughter texting her friends while absentmindedly nodding to my ridiculous room cleaning requests, my teenage son zoning out on his iPod as I slam textbooks down in front of him, or even my two younger children turning down my offer of a visit to WalMart (which used to be fever-pitch excitement for them) as they try to top a high score on their Nintendo DS units.

But you know what? That’s okay…it gives me more bonding time with my new baby…and time to catch up on “Buy On-Line” sales and Google “BlackBerry Accessories”.

Kathy Buckworth’s latest book “Journey to the Darkside: Supermom Goes Home” is available at bookstores everywhere. Read “Funny Mummy” every month. Visit www.kathybuckworth.com to sign up for the “Funny Mummy Files” monthly newsletter. “The BlackBerry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood” will be released in Spring 2009 by Key Porter Books.

FOR PREVIOUS FUNNY MUMMY COLUMNS, CONTACT KATHY AT KATHY@KATHYBUCKWORTH.COM

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