Recently
there was media coverage devoted to a 57-year-old who
decided to "overcome the odds" and give birth, for the
first time.
Naturally, she had twins, and naturally, she declared
it to be the most beautiful gift she'd ever had, the
timing was only right now, yada yada.
Those of us who are already parents, and most at a
somewhat younger age (by decades), could only shake our
heads and smile. She actually believes that she has
accomplished a great portion of her journey by getting
pregnant, giving birth, and holding the two precious
bundles in her arms.
This is akin to comparing a great Super Bowl pre-game
show to the actual game itself. Pregnancy and childbirth
is a necessary evil, mostly for show, but they don't get
to the grit and the hard work of the matter.
The only thing this woman's age has going for her is
that her stay at home/go back to work decision will be
made easier by the fact that she is due to retire with a
full pension in about eight years.
In the meantime, she, like all mothers before her,
will discover that being the parent of young children
(twins particularly) is an occupation which requires an
endless supply of energy, enthusiasm, patience, physical
agility and cat-like reflexes. With the possible
exception of patience, these are qualities which do not
improve with age:
Energy: Nighttime feedings always take about 45
minutes longer than you think necessary. Then there's
the bathing, diapering and otherwise cleaning. But these
are small things -- the real energy is required for the
many hours spent struggling with snowsuits, getting
socks on "just right", reading the same bedtime story
for the 100th time --"funny" voices included -- 6 a.m.
hockey practices, which are preceded by packing all of
the 17 pieces needed by a 5-year-old to play. You'll
need a burst of energy every time you try to pack a
stiff toddler into an unforgiving car seat, picking up
spilled ketchup-laden French fries from the back row of
your van (yes you'll have one), and searching through
the front hall closet every day for the favourite winter
hat with the matching mittens. And, you'll learn from
other parents and child therapists, you must look as
though you're having fun doing it, which brings us to;
Enthusiasm: Children are quick to recognize the "uh
huh" nod of a head when they tell you about their latest
success at school or on the playground. You will get
called on your sincerity of response. You will require a
deep pool of enthusiasm for every school play or concert
you attend, every early morning hockey practice, and the
most painful of all -- Junior's friends coming over.
Then there's the birthday parties -- your's, their's,
whoever's -- you have to get excited about the clowns,
the playgrounds, the presents, and, ugh, even the other
kids.
Patience: Toddlers have their own timetables and
their own agendas. They appear to be aggressively
thwarting every plan you make to get out of the door, or
in the door, on time. But get ready, because the real
test in patience will come when those adorable little
toddlers turn into sarcastic, surly teenagers. Most
adults could decimate the fragile ego of a teenage girl
with a few well chosen phrases, but this is the moment
that we most have to restrain ourselves.
Physical Agility: At 41, I found that my capacity
for sitting on a hardwood floor to play with the wooden
train set was about 6 1/2 minutes. Okay, that was
actually my world record. Between my slipped disk and
sore ankle, I would normally last only 2 minutes. At age
57, this will be extremely unpleasant. You will require
the physical strength and flexibility to turn around in
the front seat of a car at every stop light to find the
book/soother/French fry which Junior has dropped and is
screaming about at the top of his lungs. You will have
to be able to balance four grocery bags and a sleeping
two-year-old to the top of your front door steps. You
will build your arm muscles to Madonna-like strength
lifting heavy strollers down huge flights of stairs.
Cat-like Reflexes: Besides the noticing of, and
catching of, errant strollers down stairways, you will
need to be constantly on the alert for situations where
your child is likely to be hurt, or hurt others. Leaping
across indoor playground castles to stop your child from
whacking his colleague with a huge plastic brick is only
the beginning. Errant shopping carts, kids on bicycles
on the sidewalk, skateboarding lunatics and out of
control sledders are only a few of the conspirators
working to injure your child. Good luck, Grandma.
The interesting story here is not that a 57-year-old
gave birth to twins. The interesting story will be that
she still thinks it was a good decision five years down
the road.
Kathy Buckworth's first book, The Secret Life of
Supermom is now available in bookstores everywhere.
THE MISSISSAUGA NEWS
.gif){kind=small}
EMail Article
Print Article
![[Valid RSS]](Bad Enough When Young_files/valid-rss.png)